and she was petting her beer can
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
