this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
