it's too hot outside to masturbate.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
