My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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