Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
