I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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