so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
