Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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