Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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