Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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