Ketchup is God's man juice
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize