I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
