yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
