So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
