look no pants
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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