are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize