there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
