Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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