I could have mohawked her pubes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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