They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
