i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
