how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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