If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
