haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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