WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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