I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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