It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
