Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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