This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
