The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
