Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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