i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
