i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
