Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
