So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
