How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize