don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
