Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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