oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is the high leading the old right now
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize