So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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