i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
