Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
