is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
