apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
