Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
