im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
