I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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