Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Terrible idea I love it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
