ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
