remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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