i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
