like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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