That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
