we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
