Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize