Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
