she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
