Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize