filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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