I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
