Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
