what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
