genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I need moral support for this bender
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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