I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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