Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
