So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
