matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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