Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
