I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
