If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
