Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
