I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize