take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize