Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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