I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize