ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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