You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
