Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Randomize
